


Hetalia; Axis Powers ~ A Novelization

by Natileroxs



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Any ship you want can be implied because that is what you see when you watch Hetalia, Characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, Multi, No ships tagged as none have been made cannon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natileroxs/pseuds/Natileroxs
Summary: What if nations were people? What traits would they have? What would this mean for historical events?A Novelization of the Anime. Nearly all the dialogue is taken from the English Dub. It's just the show in a Novel format.





	1. Germany regrets his choices and America is as obnoxious as usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Hetalia - A Novelization. Please enjoy this, it was a random thing I thought about when thinking about what if Anime were in proper Novel forms with blurbs on the back and stuff.

He was really regretting walking into that meeting now.

“Dude I think the World Conference can convene!  Solving all of today’s problems by talking excessively!” The obnoxious voice grated on everyone’s nerves. “No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for re-election!”

Gesturing to his PowerPoint, he continued. “I’ll go first; about that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we’ll be ok if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have him protect the Earth!  I give you the Superhero Globoman!”

“I agree with America because—“

“--Man up or I’ll beat you with my peace prize!”

“There’s no way some hero will help global warming or humanity’s enslavement.” Tea in hand, a fourth voice intersected their opinion.

“If Britain and America don’t agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both!” Roses started appearing out of nowhere.

“Agincourt!” Number #4 yelled back.

The first speaker, the most annoying one to nearly everyone in the rooms agreement. “You Frenchies love to hate America!  Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to!”

The other two, Number #4 and #5, spoke over him, making the whole conversation a mixture of odd phrases and unintelligible chatter. To help you here’s what they said.

Number #5 – “Ever since we lost our status as a world superpower, condescending superiority, and wine is all we have left!”

Number #4 – “Don’t be too hard on yourself.  What about mimes and body odor.”

A single, competent voice could be heard from the side.

“Western nations are so immature.  I doubt they ever grow up!  Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work.  Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treat?” He addressed the trio. The response:

“We’ll just get hungry again!”

A ditsy brunette chose this time to try and break up the fight. Well, he didn’t go up and attempt to stop the fight himself, he just went over to convince someone else to do the dirty work for him. “Hey! Why don’t you say something, Russia? They’ll stop fighting if you go over and step in!”

“What? Why me? No thanks!” The man that had been asked pointed to another person, one that was trying not to look as sick as he felt. “I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help!” The man dubbed ‘Lithuania’ looked away.

A younger boy crying as a woman done up, doll-like, threatened him with a knife, was the Russian man’s next target. “Then Latvia will be right behind!”

“You’re so tough, next you’ll try to pick a fight with Haiti!”

“Do you have a little detachable head?”

Quickly stepping in, a blonde put himself in-between the Lithuanian and Russian. “Stop there!  If you get any closer to Lithuania I'll get Lech Wałęsa and go all Solidarność on you!”

An audible snore could be heard despite the original fight got louder and louder.

He’d had enough. “EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!”

Number #4 and #5 cried out at the same time, frozen with #4 in the middle of choking #5 to death. “Germany!”

The now named Germany decided to take control of the ridiculous mess of a meeting, perhaps able to set things back on track. “We’ve called this conference to solve the world’s problems, not to fight about the problems of our past!  And since I am the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we will follow my rules from here on out!  Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit-chatting or side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit!  Now if you want to go, make sure you’re prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salutes of my country’s past!”

Everyone sat, frozen for a second before one timid hand rose.

“Germany recognizes his friend Italy!”

So-called ‘Italy’ smiled widely and Germany felt his disappointment rise slightly.

“………….PAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short because it is the prologue. Also, the rest of the story will not be in this format. They will have their proper country names and a few explanations.
> 
> Translations and explanations from where I got the script
> 
> https://unitlost.deviantart.com/art/Hetalia-English-Dub-Transcript-Episode-1-401613544
> 
> The Battle of Agincourt was a major English victory in the Hundred Years' War.' The battle occurred on Friday, 25 October 1415, near modern-day Azincourt, in northern France. (Source: Wikipedia)  
> Lech Wałęsa is a Polish politician, trade-union organizer, and human-rights activist. A charismatic leader, he co-founded Solidarity (Solidarność), the Soviet bloc's first independent trade union, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1983, and served as President of Poland between 1990 and 1995. (Source: Wikipedia)  
> Solidarność (Solidarity) is in the literal form unity or agreement of feeling or action, especially among individuals with a common interest; mutual support within a group. In Poland’s case, it was the independent trade union movement that developed into a mass campaign for political change and inspired popular opposition to communist regimes across eastern Europe during the 1980s. Basically, he’s threatening to spread anti-communist ideas and campaigns if Russia tries to take over Liet. (Source: The dictionary)  
> For any people who don’t know what this/these are, UFC is the Ultimate Fighting Championship, a worldwide mixed martial arts promotion company (the largest.) KFC is a fast food chain with good biscuits (in my opinion.) (Source: My knowledge)


	2. Germany finds a crate of Tomatoes and Chibitalia runs away from their problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys. It's a little short but I think it's okay-ish. For everyone who follows Leave Me Alone, don't think I've abandoned it. I'm going to plan it before I go away and then write it while I'm on holiday. I'll probably get a few chapters done over there. Then when I get back I will type them up and post them. 
> 
> I also have been planing a brand new fic which may be posted after I finish Leave Me Alone.

_It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea and gained all the world’s wealth.  His name… was the Roman Empire.  He had it all: the world’s wealth, fame, and vast land.  The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared._

* * *

 

Germany, a stoic and muscular man, was faced with a tough decision. He had just made it over the border and was torn on what to do now. For he hadn’t found his opponent.

He decided to relay these concerns to his only companion, a wooden stick.

“I’m supposed to be fighting a descendant of Rome right now… but so far no such luck.…..how weird…We crossed that border with no problem, didn’t we, Herr Stick?  I’m so sorry I didn’t share any of my liverwursts with you!  The invasion was going so well I forgot about feeding mein sticky friend!” He apologized thoroughly, making sure the inanimate object could understand his feelings.

Looking around again, he frowned. “Well you’re right; I still shouldn’t let my guard down.  It’s him we’re talking about; he must have some sort of plan.” He continued on his journey.

But one thing stood in his way.

A crate of tomatoes.

He’d stood staring for a while. What an odd thing to be fixated on, but oddly enough it was what he was doing.

“Hmm… weird… looks like someone left me these tomatoes,”

“Ah!” A cry made him stiffen and he moved into a defensive position. More sound came from the box. “Hello to you!  I am the box of tomatoes fairy!  I come in peace!  Let us be friends and play with each other!” It startled Germany so much that he reached forward and grabbed the box from both sides.

“I think someone’s inside!”

“You’re wrong! There’s no one inside! DO NOT OPEN THE BOX!!!!” The voice cried loudly. Germany struggled with the lid anyway.

“Nnnnngh…. Verdammt, this is heavy…”

“Why are you ignoring me?! What point is it to try to see the box of tomatoes fairy’s guts?!?!” They were very loud and spoke very quickly.

“Something is caught in here…!!” One more pull and...

“Wah!” Germany had gone flying back and popping out of the box was a brunette boy with an odd curl to one side of his head and a fast-paced Italian voice. “I’m so sorry; you were right! I am not a box of tomatoes fairies at all!  It was all lies! Lies!!! LIES!!!! Please don’t shoot me; I’m too young to die, and what if I don’t die but am just mortally wounded and forced to lie there in misery in a pool of my own blood?! Please, I’ll do anything! Well, I mean within reason… I DON’T WANT TO DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!”

Germany lay shocked on the ground. The situation absolutely astounded him as the boy continued to cry out in fear.

“I mean seriously, I’m a virgin! Where do you think they get Virgin Olive Oil? The point is you don’t want to shoot the virgin! We’re pathetic enough as it is!!! I apologize for the lying, and the boxing, and really I’m a good Italy! I swear! You’re Germany, right?!” Germany pondered the boy. Thinking.

“ _Geez… is this the guy I’m supposed to be fighting? I heard mein Feind is the descendant of the great Rome, but…_ ”

With ease, Germany picked the boy up by his military jacket. “ _Ugh… there’s no way this whining little brat could be the same enemy… I wonder who he really is…_ ”

As the boy continued to cry and babble about how Germany really shouldn’t kill him, Germany asked him a question, quietening him. “Let me ask you a question. You wouldn’t by any chance be related to the great Rome, would you?”

He stopped crying, easily drying his eyes and looking up and the German with hope. “Wait, you’re telling me you know Grandpa Rome? What a fantastico turn of events! Especially for this poor pizza and pasta lover! You had me completely fooled! I thought you were really mean and scary! So we can be friends, ok?”

Germany looked at the boy with barely concealed shock. “ _What kind of joke is this?_ ” Suddenly coming to a realization, he dropped the boy and moved away quickly. “ _Ah!_ _Mein Gott this is a trap!  He’s pretending to be harmless in an attempt to catch me off guard!  Sneaky bastard!!_ ”

The boy smiled at him. “How fun to have a new friend!—Augh!” He cried out as Germany hit him with the bottom of his gun.

“I will not be tricked! Go to hell, you pasta loving trottel!”

* * *

 

**“** **Is everyone listening? Once upon a time, in a house called the Roman Empire…”**

Chibitalia, child Italy, who sat in a white outfit with a white hat, waved. “It’s next to my big brother France’s house!”

**“…the newborn Italy lived with various other countries,”** Chibitalia laughed as Holy Rome, a blonde haired, blue eyed boy who wore the exact same outfit as Chibitalia, and France, another blonde with blue eyes who was a bit bigger than the others and didn’t have the hat, appeared next to them.

**“But one day, Italy’s grandfather took him away, and forced him to leave his home and friends,”** Chibitalia cried out as a tall man in Roman dress, Ancient Rome, dragged Chibitalia away.

* * *

 

Chibitalia and Rome sat on a grassy hill, both drawing. Chibitalia laughed as his grandfather admired the child work. **“For a while, Italy spent his time drawing and singing with his unusually handsome grandfather.** ”

**“Italy had a natural affinity for artistic pursuits, so his grandfather was delighted!”**

Chibitalia smiled as they also stared at the picture. “ _It’s fun to draw pictures! Somehow I feel so Renaissance. I want to show my beautiful drawings to my big brothers France, and the Roman Empire, and that other big brother whose name I don’t know because I haven’t met yet! I can’t wait to see everyone!_ ”

* * *

 

**“Unfortunately, when he met them again…”**

A slightly older Holy Rome wearing a black coat and hat, a darker brunette who looked suspiciously similar to Chibitalia and France with his bright blue and red clothes, stood. The brunette, who would turn out to be Romano, nibbled at a slice of pizza while he stared disdainfully at Chibitalia. Holy Rome looked to Chibitalia with a serious frown, France doing jazz hands in the background for no apparent reason.  

“You must become part of the Roman Empire with me!” Holy Rome cried. Romano ignored Holy Rome and addressed Chibitalia.

“Fratello?  You’re a twerp compared to me!”

**“…they had all become assholes.”**

Holy Rome set off at a chase as Chibitalia ran away. “Stop!  I want you to become part of the Holy Roman Empire!  No!  Please!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations and notes directly from where I got the script. 
> 
> https://unitlost.deviantart.com/art/Hetalia-English-Dub-Transcript-Episode-1-401613544  
> https://unitlost.deviantart.com/art/Hetalia-English-Dub-Transcript-Episode-2-402126928
> 
> Herr means “Mr.” in German. So basically Germany’s calling it Mr. Stick. (Source: Google Translate)  
> Verdammt is “damn” in German!  
> Mein Feind is “my enemy.” Feind is capitalized because all nouns are capitalized in German.  
> Fantastico means “wonderful” in Italian.  
> Mein Gott: either “My God” or an awesome song by the Awesome Prussia  
> Trottel: fool/idiot (German)  
> Fratello means “brother” in Italian. (Source: I’ve been taking Italian for three years.)


End file.
